5th Of July

tomorrow will be a new beginning of my life..back to being student..this semester i have to struggle hard if i wants to maintain my cgpa..huhuhuh...and i want to keep my room also..

5th Of July..my first day of class in 3rd semester..5th of July, by my girlfriend definition is our monthly anniversary..it's been seven moths now..since December year of 2009..we been though a lots..and i love her more since then..

*this section i wish i could talk in Japanese~~~~~ *

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i now realize that i can survive without facebook....i dont need it anymore...but, this attempt seems to fail..im back using it..no further reason..just for her. i be a bad bf if i say directly to her that i hate fb n her using it..goshh..im a messed...facebook is a mistake..i decided that i wont make any updates on fb..no more status...no more pics..im just being in fb...and not really in it anymore..the only thing i missed is blackjack..and yet, i still can manage my addiction..

last nite, it was totally shit...my ex add my gf??? wtf! now she adding me on fb...i totally say ignore to that...i thought i made it clear already....i dont want anything to do with her...now it is the second time i decline her..still she dont seems to understand...shit! why you dont get the me?? i hate you! get away from my life! no need you in it! im totally fine without you!

this is one of thousand reasons why exactly i hate fb...well, i just doing this for her. and hope she understand it. this is my sacrifice. i'm willing to suffer if it is her happiness. nothing can beat the feeling seeing your love one in the happiness. and you dont exactly have to be in it.

sometimes i wish i can disappear. to nowhere. just being away. from my family. from her (sadly). and everyone else. i just want to be alone..maybe thats my destiny..maybe someday i will be going to it..

i'm the type of guy who just want to know...but this may burden her..and i have to gave up this habit..anything to make her happy..sometimes..i dont seems to connect the dots why she need me in her life..i felt like i'm nobody..just passing by..giving her happiness that she earned..

would it be so wrong if just turned of my phone for one day. will she be missing me. or mad. or sad. or worry. i cant never tell..i want to know..but to many risk to the possible future..and i willingly to not doing and asking about this...the answer will never be there if i asked..

i think im being a bad bf..really. just felt that way. the day before she when to kl. we when out. for breakfast. on her. but..in the car..we didnt talk much..no holding hand like normally we should..the thing she doesnt know is, that day, i was feeling lost..i can just say no to the breakfast..but i didnt...i still going..'coz i know this i her happiness..and i will be the one who in making it happen..while eating is worst..i didnt talk much..i finish my meal early than she did..and i was in doing nothing..just being quiet..watching her eating..

the day she went to kl..moment before she boarding..i cant take it anymore..i think she will be better will someone else..i man up, and tell her..while her phone still on rather than telling her while she still in the flight...i tell her..that i want her to find someone who is better than me..and maybe thats the best for her..and i said sorry to her for not being what she want..she call me...but the airport was too noisy to talk...texting is the only option here..she said a few stuff..and i take back my word...and until today, i trying to forget it ever happened..

i want to end this post with, i'm here to be the one that take no regret to make you happy.

what i know about love

Love, it hard to fully describe...it full of happiness, but at the same time you will experience painfulness when in love..i used to give advise to those who i feel i need to give...it may not be the best advice...but it is what i learn from my past...

yeah, it is lucky when you have someone who truly love you...or it is lucky when there is someone who like you..he/she already have reason(s) to love you..and for me, that should not be wasted..what do got to lose? -nothing..because this love thing require trial and error..there is no perfect solution for true love..

in the past i used to make up my own rules in finding love one..

1. he/she is not friend to your friend/closed friend/best friend
2. he/she is not in your class/group/course
3. *i already forgot this one...huhhh*

1 :: the reason-> it will awkward for you and him/her if you with you friend/closed friend/best friend and he/she is along with them..this so uncomfortable...you guys will be so quiet to talk, and will have a feeling to quickly end the conversation and get out from there..

2 :: the reason-> this pretty much like number 1, except this one you can evade it...you dont have to hang out with him/her anymore, you still have your friends..

3 :: the reason-> *i already forgot~~*

but now, i didnt follow all this silly rules...i end up dating with her who is friend to my friend..

and things work out..as i said, love need trial and error..you never knew what faith have for you...